we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
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He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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