you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
