Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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