But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
