I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
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It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
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is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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