I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
