Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
