I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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