Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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