Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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