trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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