I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
