Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
