Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
