I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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