also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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