I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
