did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Can Purell be used as lube?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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