Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We had sex on a dog bed..
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
