you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i need some magic done to my vagina
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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