Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
not ubering you a puppy
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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