matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
