We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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