you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
