Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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