I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
