make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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