did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
