You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
