I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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