Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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