I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
