I got chris browned last night
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
