OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
