I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
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They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
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In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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