i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
