So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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