I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
