does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
