When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is Oprah even human
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
