No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
