so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
