So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i think i have two assholes
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Dear god my vagina.
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