fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
