I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize