One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
