Cold hands, warm shart.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
