your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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