Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
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i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
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I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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