Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Two words: nipple clamps
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