My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
