The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
What happened to fro yo and sex?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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