im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
