Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
