No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
