I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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