I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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