Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
