take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
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They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
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Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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