Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
