I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
