I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
