I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
