Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
