Define "chronic" masturbator.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
