I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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