Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
