i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
vagina is talking i cant
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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