chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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