and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
