I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
