so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
