Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
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He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
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The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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