well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
