Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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