sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
How external is "for external use only"?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
