dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
