his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
