I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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