I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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