Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
