Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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