Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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